About Me

Psilohuasca.com - Oliver Martin image

My name is Oliver Martin, I am 43 years old and have been connected with the magical and “spiritual” powers of mushrooms for almost 25 years now.

Since then they have always been part of my life. Fungi fascinate and attract me, there are so many incredible and different types of mushrooms. They are a unique organism, neither mammal nor plant. In addition to the psilocybin / psilocin-containing species, there are endless edible and many medicinal mushrooms.

Today, I can encounter other people with unconditional love, without reservation and judgment. Because the mushrooms have helped me realize what my true nature is, what life really means. Of course that does not mean that everyone has to do exactly that. However, an experience with Psilocin, the active ingredient of many psychoactive species, is never a bad thing under the right conditions and with the right preparation. But it is important that these conditions and the necessary respect for the experience are always present.

In 2010, my psilohuasca dose was so high that my thoughts, my subconscious mind (commonly called “ego”), could not analyse anything anymore. This was the first time I have learned that I am much more than I thought I am. And also my body is not mine. I am just inhabiting it. Behind all form the “one source” is hidden and like a fractal each one of us contains this whole universe. Nothing is not one with us.

But if we are born into the body that we then inhabit for an incarnation, then from “being one” with the source we will suddenly become a “two.” And because every other human around us (starting with our parents) usually perceives reality as duality (“good and evil”), we get that experience reflected through our outer world. Thus we “forget” more and more that we are in truth not separated from everything. That we are not separated from other people. But to be separated from each other is what causes us so much suffering, so much pain.

The identification with our mental “I” is the cause of all “problems” that actually do not exist. As Papajii wonderfully says: “Every being in the world is happiness itself.” Only the mind that perceives the world as duality needs an external, second part (“I and … “), So that it can be “one”. Therefore, all of us, while believing the mind, we pursue our goals and desires. Hoping to become one. Finally arriving home. Finally being loved. And indeed, we are happy every now and then. Mostly when we let go and “unite” with others or other things/situations, without resistance or separation. But the separation begins very quickly again, if we believe the thought that either wants to have “more” of it, or does not want to give up this state again. Always wanting to be happy makes the defence against the “bad”, the “unwanted” arise in us – and the search begins again that we want to get rid of this undesirable condition again.

But back to me. I had a very traumatic childhood because as a baby (8months) I was in the hospital for a long time without my parents (obviously normal in 1975), which happened again at age 5. It was this time of being alone, helpless and abandoned that created in me an unrestrained urge to “feel me”. I have tried to satisfy this feeling with extremely naughty behaviour and then through addictions of all kinds through all of my life. My parents were unable to cope with me, and thus, without even blaming them for anything, confirmed with her reaction to me that I was not loved the way I am. Overall, it has always been a feeling of switching between “I’d rather die” and “what can I do to feel myself”.

Through this addiction to high states, I discovered psychoactive mushrooms at age 19 shortly after cannabis. And the addiction of the mind to have “more”, which we all share by the way, then led to the “more mushrooms” –which forced my mind to just give up. Actually that is it what psychedelics do – they can put us at a full dose into a state of no more thinking. But that happened only 16 years later. Psychedelic substances do have the potential to give us exactly this experience. However I have learned that the person must already be “open” or “ripe” for this experience. If this is or might be the case, I try to find out during the registration, when somebody writes me.

Since this experience was given to me, my perception of what we all call “reality” has changed a lot. However, the real changes have only happened over time. Essentially, the experience has made my innermost self, the “observer,” grow. What we generally call “intuition” or “my heart” is precisely this observer, our true reality. Therefore, it also follows that any kind of judgment is the mind and not our real self. True love is unconditional. That’s the most important thing I’ve learned in the last few years since 2010. No matter how I judge something, it leads to an attachment to this judgment and thus to attachment to the form. This creates separation from myself.

I’ve learned that all the plans, all the desires for improvement, and all the goals get me away from the present moment. Change takes place naturally, with time and as the natural evolution of life. Not because I’m clinging to “improve” myself, to change something. I can have goals and wishes – without expectation – and if I accept the moment and myself as I am. I see real change as I watch the things around me change over time. When I look at how I deal with myself and others today compared to the last years.

It is common in our society, that when we are young, to look forward eagerly to a better future. And when we’re old, wistfully looking back, in memory of a better past. Reversing this approach can change the perception so much. It’s so easy, and yet the habit and the desire to do it the other way around is so strong that it seems so difficult. Also the urge for improvement of “myself” and the world as a whole seems so desperately needed, so real, to the mind. Keeping in mind that every assessment creates separation has always helped me a lot.

Psychedelics can be a potential help to go beyond the mind, when the time comes and the dose is high enough. But when used to bring about self-improvement only, they create separation rather than connectedness. Because to believe that being “spiritual” or more “healing” requires more “medicine” is again the search for a better self in the future. This dependence, together with the dependence on the conditions that cause these substances, makes the illusion of “more” extraordinarily real. And so the desire for improvement increases more and more, instead of bringing the hoped-for “healing”. This is why many people cannot stop to go to one retreat after the other- all explaining it to themselves with the need to “heal”, to take the “medicine”.

In the months after experiencing this oneness, I also identified myself with a “spiritual version” of my “mental self”. Too seductive was the idea to finally be free from thoughts – somewhere in the future of course.  Vaporizing DMT almost every day gave me the illusion of becoming more and more “spiritual”. And during the longer psychedelic trips that I did in that first year after the “Awakening”, I always ended up wanting to “let go” (“the ego has to die, said Eckart Tolle”). After a while, I found out that everything I do only nourishes the idea that something is missing. And every time I found out exactly that and then I was at peace without having to do anything.

It struck me that although I came into this situation every time, it was also every time shorter and shorter. At some point I realized that if we do things long enough with the same result, everything in life will eventually lose its credibility, and we’ll just have enough of it. Only then do we really give up something. Completely, without condemning or suppressing it.

Over the years, I became more and more aware that I really do not have to do anything but am free to do everything, to be everything. All experiences are just that- an experience. Experiences that “the one” has in the “form of the many”, just to experience one-self. All form is a manifestation of the one source that is in everything and in everyone. Therefore there are no wrong decisions and no misfortune, but also no good decisions or luck. Everything is an experience. If we all discover this peace within us, many things wouldn’t be there, that are manifesting today. But right now they are needed, otherwise they would not exist.

The way I experience God in me is not about letting go of everything and living in a cave far from any civilization. At least not at the moment. Actually part of me really does not feel like living here in the middle of the Western “Holocaust” and participating in it. But I also realize that it’s about experiencing oneself as a human and having experiences. Today I am no longer the cause of the suffering of others, since I am more aware of what I think and then do. Thinking is happening, but what I actually do, I am free to decide. If “my heart stays open”, no suffering is inflicted on others. But I am however not yet free from the suffering of “myself”, because I am still attached to many things. Solving them happens naturally and without pressure, when I completely trust in the wisdom of life. And I am never fully dissolved in the suffering anymore- the spectator never leaves.

What has been growing in me for years is the gratitude for making that experience as a human being. And to exclude and negate none of my thoughts, views and concepts as “Oliver”. Everything has been created in me and by me, so it is a part of me. And only when I have accepted it in gratitude and love, the circle closes, and it is getting “quieter” in me and then in the end things disappear completely. So, some of these characteristics and aspects of my mind have dissolved back into love, while others re-appear again and again, to finally be accepted and loved. I also cannot give up on clinging to some actions – mostly things that I’ve always done, but that actually do not do me “good” (anymore). Therefore I do not believe that any method, technique or substance can re-program or erase the mental self/the ego.

What you do with all this is your individual journey as a human being in this incarnation. If you think you’re ready to let go of everything that you think you are for a few minutes (5MeO DMT) or hours (Psilohuasca), then I’m all yours. But maybe you just need to hear the words I wrote about myself and my experiences on the Psilohuasca homepage. And maybe right now you have just realized that you have already “received the message and only need to hang up the phone”, as Alan Watts has put it. Or you find exactly what you need to hear in Ram Dass’ or Papajii’s words. I can really recommend that to you give them a listen. (see “Teacher” page)

But if you are looking for a psychedelic experience that will not assist you in seeking but in finding … If you are looking for a caretaker who is not in it for the money, but is there for you from the bottom of his heart … If you are looking for a session with the freedom to be as you are and not with the strictness of shamanistic roles… Then you have found the right place! Just write me, I’d be happy to get in touch.

All love from the heart.

Psilohuasca.com - Oliver Martin image

My name is Oliver Martin, I am 43 years old and have been connected with the magical and “spiritual” powers of mushrooms for almost 25 years now.

Since then they have always been part of my life. Fungi fascinate and attract me, there are so many incredible and different types of mushrooms. They are a unique organism, neither mammal nor plant. In addition to the psilocybin / psilocin-containing species, there are endless edible and many medicinal mushrooms.

Today, I can encounter other people with unconditional love, without reservation and judgment. Because the mushrooms have helped me realize what my true nature is, what life really means. Of course that does not mean that everyone has to do exactly that. However, an experience with Psilocin, the active ingredient of many psychoactive species, is never a bad thing under the right conditions and with the right preparation. But it is important that these conditions and the necessary respect for the experience are always present.

In 2010, my psilohuasca dose was so high that my thoughts, my subconscious mind (commonly called “ego”), could not analyse anything anymore. This was the first time I have learned that I am much more than I thought I am. And also my body is not mine. I am just inhabiting it. Behind all form the “one source” is hidden and like a fractal each one of us contains this whole universe. Nothing is not one with us.

But if we are born into the body that we then inhabit for an incarnation, then from “being one” with the source we will suddenly become a “two.” And because every other human around us (starting with our parents) usually perceives reality as duality (“good and evil”), we get that experience reflected through our outer world. Thus we “forget” more and more that we are in truth not separated from everything. That we are not separated from other people. But to be separated from each other is what causes us so much suffering, so much pain.

The identification with our mental “I” is the cause of all “problems” that actually do not exist. As Papajii wonderfully says: “Every being in the world is happiness itself.” Only the mind that perceives the world as duality needs an external, second part (“I and … “), So that it can be “one”. Therefore, all of us, while believing the mind, we pursue our goals and desires. Hoping to become one. Finally arriving home. Finally being loved. And indeed, we are happy every now and then. Mostly when we let go and “unite” with others or other things/situations, without resistance or separation. But the separation begins very quickly again, if we believe the thought that either wants to have “more” of it, or does not want to give up this state again. Always wanting to be happy makes the defence against the “bad”, the “unwanted” arise in us – and the search begins again that we want to get rid of this undesirable condition again.

But back to me. I had a very traumatic childhood because as a baby (8months) I was in the hospital for a long time without my parents (obviously normal in 1975), which happened again at age 5. It was this time of being alone, helpless and abandoned that created in me an unrestrained urge to “feel me”. I have tried to satisfy this feeling with extremely naughty behaviour and then through addictions of all kinds through all of my life. My parents were unable to cope with me, and thus, without even blaming them for anything, confirmed with her reaction to me that I was not loved the way I am. Overall, it has always been a feeling of switching between “I’d rather die” and “what can I do to feel myself”.

Through this addiction to high states, I discovered psychoactive mushrooms at age 19 shortly after cannabis. And the addiction of the mind to have “more”, which we all share by the way, then led to the “more mushrooms” –which forced my mind to just give up. Actually that is it what psychedelics do – they can put us at a full dose into a state of no more thinking. But that happened only 16 years later. Psychedelic substances do have the potential to give us exactly this experience. However I have learned that the person must already be “open” or “ripe” for this experience. If this is or might be the case, I try to find out during the registration, when somebody writes me.

Since this experience was given to me, my perception of what we all call “reality” has changed a lot. However, the real changes have only happened over time. Essentially, the experience has made my innermost self, the “observer,” grow. What we generally call “intuition” or “my heart” is precisely this observer, our true reality. Therefore, it also follows that any kind of judgment is the mind and not our real self. True love is unconditional. That’s the most important thing I’ve learned in the last few years since 2010. No matter how I judge something, it leads to an attachment to this judgment and thus to attachment to the form. This creates separation from myself.

I’ve learned that all the plans, all the desires for improvement, and all the goals get me away from the present moment. Change takes place naturally, with time and as the natural evolution of life. Not because I’m clinging to “improve” myself, to change something. I can have goals and wishes – without expectation – and if I accept the moment and myself as I am. I see real change as I watch the things around me change over time. When I look at how I deal with myself and others today compared to the last years.

It is common in our society, that when we are young, to look forward eagerly to a better future. And when we’re old, wistfully looking back, in memory of a better past. Reversing this approach can change the perception so much. It’s so easy, and yet the habit and the desire to do it the other way around is so strong that it seems so difficult. Also the urge for improvement of “myself” and the world as a whole seems so desperately needed, so real, to the mind. Keeping in mind that every assessment creates separation has always helped me a lot.

Psychedelics can be a potential help to go beyond the mind, when the time comes and the dose is high enough. But when used to bring about self-improvement only, they create separation rather than connectedness. Because to believe that being “spiritual” or more “healing” requires more “medicine” is again the search for a better self in the future. This dependence, together with the dependence on the conditions that cause these substances, makes the illusion of “more” extraordinarily real. And so the desire for improvement increases more and more, instead of bringing the hoped-for “healing”. This is why many people cannot stop to go to one retreat after the other- all explaining it to themselves with the need to “heal”, to take the “medicine”.

In the months after experiencing this oneness, I also identified myself with a “spiritual version” of my “mental self”. Too seductive was the idea to finally be free from thoughts – somewhere in the future of course.  Vaporizing DMT almost every day gave me the illusion of becoming more and more “spiritual”. And during the longer psychedelic trips that I did in that first year after the “Awakening”, I always ended up wanting to “let go” (“the ego has to die, said Eckart Tolle”). After a while, I found out that everything I do only nourishes the idea that something is missing. And every time I found out exactly that and then I was at peace without having to do anything.

It struck me that although I came into this situation every time, it was also every time shorter and shorter. At some point I realized that if we do things long enough with the same result, everything in life will eventually lose its credibility, and we’ll just have enough of it. Only then do we really give up something. Completely, without condemning or suppressing it.

Over the years, I became more and more aware that I really do not have to do anything but am free to do everything, to be everything. All experiences are just that- an experience. Experiences that “the one” has in the “form of the many”, just to experience one-self. All form is a manifestation of the one source that is in everything and in everyone. Therefore there are no wrong decisions and no misfortune, but also no good decisions or luck. Everything is an experience. If we all discover this peace within us, many things wouldn’t be there, that are manifesting today. But right now they are needed, otherwise they would not exist.

The way I experience God in me is not about letting go of everything and living in a cave far from any civilization. At least not at the moment. Actually part of me really does not feel like living here in the middle of the Western “Holocaust” and participating in it. But I also realize that it’s about experiencing oneself as a human and having experiences. Today I am no longer the cause of the suffering of others, since I am more aware of what I think and then do. Thinking is happening, but what I actually do, I am free to decide. If “my heart stays open”, no suffering is inflicted on others. But I am however not yet free from the suffering of “myself”, because I am still attached to many things. Solving them happens naturally and without pressure, when I completely trust in the wisdom of life. And I am never fully dissolved in the suffering anymore- the spectator never leaves.

What has been growing in me for years is the gratitude for making that experience as a human being. And to exclude and negate none of my thoughts, views and concepts as “Oliver”. Everything has been created in me and by me, so it is a part of me. And only when I have accepted it in gratitude and love, the circle closes, and it is getting “quieter” in me and then in the end things disappear completely. So, some of these characteristics and aspects of my mind have dissolved back into love, while others re-appear again and again, to finally be accepted and loved. I also cannot give up on clinging to some actions – mostly things that I’ve always done, but that actually do not do me “good” (anymore). Therefore I do not believe that any method, technique or substance can re-program or erase the mental self/the ego.

What you do with all this is your individual journey as a human being in this incarnation. If you think you’re ready to let go of everything that you think you are for a few minutes (5MeO DMT) or hours (Psilohuasca), then I’m all yours. But maybe you just need to hear the words I wrote about myself and my experiences on the Psilohuasca homepage. And maybe right now you have just realized that you have already “received the message and only need to hang up the phone”, as Alan Watts has put it. Or you find exactly what you need to hear in Ram Dass’ or Papajii’s words. I can really recommend that to you give them a listen. (see “Teacher” page)

But if you are looking for a psychedelic experience that will not assist you in seeking but in finding … If you are looking for a caretaker who is not in it for the money, but is there for you from the bottom of his heart … If you are looking for a session with the freedom to be as you are and not with the strictness of shamanistic roles… Then you have found the right place! Just write me, I’d be happy to get in touch.

All love from the heart.

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